virgin is the new mermaid

At first I laughed. 

When I saw the promo for a new TLC "reality" show called "The Virgin Diaries" featuring that goofy altar kiss, I laughed like everybody else. When I saw it again on Ellen, I laughed a little less but, still, it was funny. Then I saw the actual show and I stopped laughing. I watched the morning news shows trot out "experts" to weigh in on how healthy this lifestyle is. How these smart, successful, modern women all laughed at that strange being: The Virgin.

Have you ever seen the movie Splash? It's an old 80s Ron Howard movie with a young Tom Hanks and Daryl Hannah. She's a mermaid who, one day, walks out of the East River, takes a stroll around Manhattan, and ends up as Tom Hanks' soulmate. But not before he attempts to show her the ropes of being human, to which he basically fails. Eventually some evil scientists spot her and catch her and keep her in this big fish tank for all to see. 

Sound familiar? 

Splash could very well be one big metaphor for the life of The Virgin. A rare, mythical creature who, one day, decides to try life among the rest of us but can't really blend in because of the giant fishy tail and all. 

In the show, The Virgins are observed in their natural habitats. There is the 35-year old man who is an "accidental" Virgin, meaning he hasn't wanted to be one but is anyway. His friends are very concerned for his health and one girl even wonders, "how do you get your energy out?" Let's just say, jump-roping was not his answer...

Then there are the three roommates who communicate via giggle and seem to get their energy out through intense massage chains. Their goals are to have sex eventually, but in an honorable way.

Where are the talented, lovely and eloquent Jackie Francoises? The Crystalina Evertses? The many women--and men--I know who are so smart and successful and amazing examples of people trying to live out holy, intentional, loving lives? Where am I represented? 

In Splash, the only one who understands the mermaid is Tom Hanks. The rest want pictures, to study her, to exploit her and change her. 

I've watched, over the last couple of weeks, a culture try to make sense of this creature. I've seen reporters breathlessly reassure the public that these dangerous virgins are (thank God!) just a minority (only 5%!) and not to worry, your children are safe. They've wondered aloud if it's contagious. They've mocked, with thinly veiled disgust, The Virgin as being "bad in bed", as if that's the worst thing one can be in life. 

They can laugh and poke fun, but I've seen the other side. The girls who have done things with boys just because he saw it in a porno and wanted to try it out. Girls who, the next morning, can't bring themselves to class because of embarrassment, who will never really be the same. I've seen girls who have purposefully dumbed themselves down, suppressed all that made them unique and interesting because that's what they think men want. 

There are wounds here. Deep, deep wounds that hurt and leave scars and break you. There are women at the well, estranged with their own bodies, alone, and broken, in need of a savior and not even knowing it. 

Because when you're having sex, it's with a person. A person with a soul, with dreams, and goals, and who, as a little girl dreamed of a Prince Charming. Sex is not exercise. Ask someone who's lost their marriage because of pornography or sex addiction. Ask someone who was sold into the sex trade. Ask a rape victim. Was it just sex? Was it just a harmless, physical activity? 

Maybe I'm being dramatic; maybe I'm not. 

But I refuse to let this culture co-opt my sexuality, take something that is beautiful and twist it into another commercial product. I will wait for my Tom Hanks. 

My virginity is a gift. The only man I want to give it to is the man (God willing) who has committed himself to me, body and soul, before God. The man who is ready to be a father, too. The one who has fallen in love with my soul and mind as well as my body. And I know, in my heart of hearts, it will have been worth the wait. 

And besides, what's so bad about being a mermaid anyways?

                           Warning: There is some brief nudity in the trailer! NSFW!