the tree of life my soul hath seen

I almost died as a baby. 

I was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and in a very dangerous position. The midwife delivering me, quickly and carefully removed and cut through the umbilical cord before I suffocated, saving my life. The very thing that had kept me alive all those months within my mother, had almost killed me. 

The midwife, who was Jewish, took the placenta (with my parents' permission) and buried it, said prayers, and planted a tree over the spot. A Jewish tradition, apparently. 

Imagine if every human life was treated with such reverence? Was so carefully defended? 

This small brush with death at my birth, and the subsequent blessing over my life, has never left me. I am ever aware that the worst thing I can do is dishonor the life God has given me, the love He has surrounded me with, the glory of His Creation. Even the sufferings, which I struggle so much against, are all part of it. 

Life is meant to be honored. You know this.  

Everyone knows this. I truly believe that with all that I am. He has written it on our hearts. 

Some just choose to follow a different way, to reject the grace offered them, the mighty Hand reached out to them. I have rejected it, and in those times, it broke me.

Abortion breaks women. It breaks families, men, communities, sex.  

Courtesy of Babies First Ultrasound

I know that some children are born into abuse, parents who are lost to alcohol, drugs, dysfunctional home situations. Some babies are born to a life of disease, mental, physical disabilities. Some babies are born but will only live a short time. 

Some women find themselves with child, but with no partner. A boyfriend, a hookup, but not a father. Some women have big dreams: school, degrees, maybe they want to change the world. Some women are filled with fear, that they might lose the life they envisioned, the dreams they were so close to achieving, if only...

     But who knows what a life will hold?

     Who knows what new dreams lay hidden within you?

     Who knows, at the beginning, what a life will mean at its end?

     Who knows what the purpose of a life is? 

     Who says money, a title, a perfect job will bring you ultimate fulfillment? 

     Who knows what meaning is hidden in the mystery of suffering? 

Who says her life has no meaning because she has Downs Syndrome? 

What man can say he knows the answer to any of these questions? None.

Sometimes we don't have all the answers in front of us. Sometimes the road ahead looks terrifying, and the 'don't know's' drown out the still, small Voice. I've been there. When we're scared like this we reach out in desperation for whatever looks like it will bring us back to a place of safety, comfort. We look for something, anything to just fix it. 

But those things, will never fulfill us, or heal us, or make us whole again. Only Love can do that. Only Love. Death is the opposite of health.  

And after you've made a choice, you can never go back. 

God did not call me Home that day. My life has been a gift. I've made mistakes; I've done things which have dishonored His gifts, and His love for me. I've sinned. I have experienced suffering, and fear, and anxiety. The dreams I once had have changed and my future is, at times, uncertain. 

Life is wild, and scary. But Christ is good, He is almighty. And He will give us the strength we need, He will heal us, He will never leave us.

I have never seen that midwife's tree. Probably never will. But I like to think it represents my life: roots deep, steady, strong core. Nourished and watched over by the Creator. Ever praising Him.