an ode to the brothers ratzinger

As young women, as young people, as young Catholics, starting our lives in this New Millenium we are so often bombarded with this culture's idea of how we should live our lives.

We're told that wealth, power, and living for ourselves will make us happy. We're told that if we look like and act like Kim Kardashian we will have everything we need to be fulfilled. We're told that if we contracept ourselves to death and abort anything that stands in our way we will be the enlightened, self-actualized successful women of the 21st-century Elizabeth Gilbert always thought we could be. 

But you only need to watch an episode of Mad Men, 16 & Pregnant, Jersey Shore to see that these are ALL. LIES. If you let it, this world will take all the individuality, the love, the grace that God has given you and sterilize it right out. 

Which is why I'm so thankful that Christ has given us so many holy examples and friends in the saints. What's more, He's given us the great leadership and example of our Holy Father Pope Benedict XVI.

Jesus, take the wheel.

And, frankly, I think Papa Benedetto sometimes gets kind of a bum rap. So this is just a brief post to let him know (since he is obviously one of my most devoted readers!) how much I appreciate, love, and pray for him.

Watching him since he was first elected Holy Father, I have seen a man who has completely and utterly poured himself out for the Lord and His people. A man who has utterly put aside his own desires for the will of the father. A man who would much rather be hanging out in Bavaria eating apple strudel (seriously - it's in the book) but has given himself over to be used as a "little pencil" in the hand of God. Can you think of any better lesson for our time? 

Georg, his brother, who is quite the success in his own right, recently wrote a book that is really an autobiography, memoir, and interview about his life with his brother, the pope. I've just started reading it but so far it's an extremely fascinating inside look at not only the exterior circumstances of their lives, but also their interior lives.

The power of a simple life, lived well and rightly for the Lord, cannot be denied. 

Our Lady of Altotting, pray for us

the ballad of judas iscariot

You begin on the sea.

There is only you on this boat, you and another. By your feet, cold, wet fish flop helplessly, as their life leaves them. The air itself is salty, sticky on your skin, and warm. The boat moves back and forth in the rhythm of this sea, the water gently hitting the wood of the boat, it is a give and take, give and take that you have known since before you could walk, that is in your very blood.

nothing can ever separate us...

The sun is setting, an explosion of blood red and orange light pours out across Galilee and the whole world is swallowed up. The other one with you is not looking at the horizon, or the fish, or the water, or the shore; he is looking at you. 

I knew you... 

It is a look you've seen before, your father watching your mother prepare his favorite meal, her kneading the dough, smiling back at him in a cloud of flour. When your brother was born and your father held him and learned the baby by heart and opened the window to let the sun warm the baby and you watched it and thought this was how it happened when you came too. When it was you and Father on the boat and he handed you the net and showed you where to catch the best fish and you learned the sea-rhythm together.

All of this, a whole lifetime, in those eyes.


Now you're in a garden. It's silent, the deafening kind, and only a cold wind accompanies you. The olive leaves are rattling in the trees and somewhere you think you hear someone laughing.

Where were you? 


You close your eyes and stick your hands out; you can remember where all the bodies stood, the sounds of metal clinking, sweat dripping, hands gripping, eyes unblinking - the olive eyes, bright eyes on an open face, an easy face, you could trace its lines in the air though you've never touched it - can feel its warmth on your lips from the one time you kissed it.

Father... 

You rub the brittle dirt between your fingers, the dirt from underneath the sandals - here, this is where he stood. There, that's where I stood.

The unfriendly wind carries the smell of fire, of burning wood, and the vague distant muffled sounds of voices. You know that if you look you will see light, torches, people gathered and pushing and moving and screaming to watch them take him away.

But he is looking past them, over their heads, and you are back on that boat in Galilee, just you and him, and it's those eyes looking at you again and your skin can't contain what you find there.

You scream into the ground until you run out of air. Until you just run out. You hit the ground, hard, to see if it will open for you.

Father, why have you abandoned me? 


You can still taste the bitter wine, the blood red wine, he'd held out to you, in a cup, he'd looked right at you, right through you, right into you, down into the marrow of your bones, and back out again, when he'd smiled, you realized, he knew. He knew. Why did he come?


You press your cheek into the cold cold dirt, colder even than your lifeless skin, and before you close your eyes, before it is finished, the last thing you smell is Galilee, salty-sweet, and the last thing you see a single white dove.

Father, forgive them.

7 Quick Takes Friday (Vol. 4)

1. Nothing for a month and then suddenly...bam! So much has happened to me this week that I'm still journaling and processing and thanking and blessing and wishing I could go back to Monday and live it all over again. Don't you just love weeks like that?

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. 

thoughts for a sunday

Suppose a musician in an orchestra freely strikes a sour note. The conductor is competent, the music is correctly scored and easy to play, but the musician still exercises his freedom by introducing a discord which immediately passes out into space. The director can do one of two things: he can either order the selection to be replayed, or he can ignore the discord. Fundamentally, it makes no difference which he does, for that false note is traveling out into space at the rate of more than a thousand feet per second; and as long as time endures, there will be discord in the universe.

Is there any way to restore harmony to the world? It can be done only by something coming in from eternity and stopping the note in its wild flight. But will it still be a false note? The harmony can be destroyed on one condition only. If that note is made the first note in a new melody, then it will become harmonious.                       -- Archbishop Fulton Sheen

The Cross is in sight. We can see its shadow over the edge of the hill. We can begin to hear the din of the crowds, crying for blood. We can feel the hopelessness of a humanity sunken down deep in its own mess. We can hear a future of gunshots and bombs and orphans crying and applause as leader after leader in an endless procession of misery orders the killing of innocents. We drown in it; will it ever end? It's the sound of screaming and someone pounding on a piano, notes flying all over the place, discord and pain.

It is not time for the Resurrection yet. We who know the end of the story, who've already flipped to the back of the book, must be patient. To get to the Resurrection, we know we must first go through the blood and fire. To hear that first, quiet, gentle note, slipping by unnoticed, that first note which begins the new song: Hope.

 

 

7 Quick Takes Friday (Vol. 3)

1. Fourth week of Lent, everyone! Easter is almost upon us. It's time to gear up for the Triduum and Holy Week and get ready to receive the waterfall of graces Christ wants to pour out over us! What have you learned over Lent? What has God been showing you guys? I'm working on a few posts that go into a little bit more of my own journey and I'm excited to see what God's been doing in your lives as well! (All three of you that read this, haha!)

2. I somehow stumbled onto this video this week and I'm glad I did. This nun, in case you didn't recognize her scooting around Brangelina on the red carpet at this year's Oscars, was in a few movies with The Elvis Presley back in the day. She's pretty much the only nun who's ever smooched Elvis! She is also the subject of the documentary, "God is the Bigger Elvis," (I agree, weird title) which was up for an Oscar this year. She has a really incredible story and is cute as a button, to boot! (Okay, I'll stop sounding like a "Golden Girl" now...)

3. In other news, I still haven't heard back about my PCOS test results. My doctor likes to send me letters--yes, actual snail mail letters--with test results so I guess we'll just wait and see. This week, though, has been pretty rough on the health front. My mother suffers from chronic daily migraines which sometimes get extremely severe. This week was one of those times. It is really hard to watch someone you love so much suffering so. But God is merciful and she finally received some emergency, very strong, pain meds so we didn't have to go the ER. 

7 Quick Takes Friday (Vol. 2)

1.  It's been so long since I did one of these! No matter, I'm going to proceed as if I've been doing it forever. This week has been kind of weird as I continue hanging out in limbo here. The job I applied to would be a huge life change for me and something I swore I would never do (teach) but God has a way of gently nudging you into impossible situations and somehow making a way. I've really been learning how to offer things up to Him. Who knew I had such a death grip on things?

2. Third week of Lent, church! We're halfway there! Anyone have any interesting things God has been teaching them? I've been reading this awesome biography of St. Catherine of Siena who, fyi, was a BEAST for the Faith (that's a good thing, by the way.) I mean, she routinely told popes, evil Breton mercenaries, and hotheaded, rich, Italian noblemen, to "be a man." Here is one of my favorite passages from a letter she wrote to her mentor, Raymond of Capua:

We must strip ourselves of ourselves and clothe ourselves in Christ crucified. We must board the little ship of the most holy cross and fearlessly navigate this stormy sea... The ship is provisioned with every food the soul can imagine. True, [God] may often allow the little ship to be swamped by the sea's waves. But he does this not to drown us, but to make us better and more perfectly able to discern peaceful weather from stormy....Those on board shouldn't simply stand at the edge but should leap into the hold at the heart of the ship, into the abyss of the blazing and anguished love of Christ crucified, and the waves won't hurt them at all. (180)

Beautiful, right? Just sit with that for a minute. Imagine it in your mind. That icy cold fear when the boat is tossing about too much, or the airplane has a little too much turbulence. Whatever it is. Hold that fear in your hands and then toss it overboard! Take refuge in the fire of His love!

3. Okay, enough theology...for now. This is a video I saw this week which talks a little about the making of the new movie October Baby. It seems like the movie is loosely based on the life of the indomitable Gianna Jessen, an abortion survivor. I don't even need to say any more; the video speaks for itself.

4. Speaking of movies, I was thrilled to be able to hang out with a college buddy and we got to see "This Means War." A delightful tale of two "CIA" "agents" who "fall in love" with the same girl. She gives herself a week to decide between them. Yeah. Chaos ensues. 

Chris Pine: Rawr! Just call me Captain Kirk, toots.
Reese: Oh, my! *hair blowing in wind*
Tom Hardy: Rawr! I'm sexy and British.
Reese: Were you that guy in Downt--
Hardy: DO I LOOK LIKE A BLOODY SERVANT?!
Pine: So who's it gonna be, bab-y? *tooth sparkle*
Hardy: Inception.... *echoes in the wind*
Reese: Ummm..... I pick myself! 

There was little to no moral value but it was otherwise a great girls night out movie! Okay, basically, there were a lot of things that went boom, hot guys, and...um...hot guys! But if you're looking for a meaningful movie, try "October Baby" instead. Anyone see anything good lately on tv or in the movies?

5. We've been hearing a lot this past week about "Kony 2012", a campaign by the organization Invisible Children to bring awareness to the crimes of Joseph Kony, leader of the LRA. Now, I'm pretty familiar with Invisible Children but I know there's been some controversy over this video in Uganda and here in the US. I'll let you decide for yourself. But I stumbled onto this sweet little documentary which gives you a glimpse of real, tangible hope amidst the trials of life in Uganda, and what can happen if you really let God use you. You can watch it free on their website.

'Moving On' Official Trailer from Light Gives Heat on Vimeo.

6. This week I also learned that I may have PCOS. I've had symptoms before, including an extremely painful, ruptured cyst in college, but the doctors never really made a conclusive diagnosis of any kind. Recently, some of my symptoms have been appearing again so I went to see my doctor. She said it "seems like" I "might" have PCOS but ordered a bunch of tests. When I got home and started reading some more about it I started panicking but, #Cathsorority came to the rescue! It's so encouraging for me to have some amazing godly women to talk to, even if it's just on Twitter. So thank you, ladies! Please continue to pray for me as I await results!

            6a. Also-- if anyone has anything they want me to pray about for them please let me know!! I                   spend way too much time thinking/talking about myself! You can post it here or email me. 

7. Lastly, I want to alert everyone about the prayer needs of an awesome Catholic couple who write for Ignitum Today. I learned about Andrew and Cristina through their ministry there, and with Jovenes de Valor in Brooklyn, NYC. They're an amazing witness for chastity in dating & are so on fire for the Lord! They're recently married and recently pregnant, but learned that their precious baby girl, Maria Isabella, has spina bifida. They have a tough road ahead and need our prayers! 

life at the bottom of the sea

Nothing ever works out the way you think it will, does it?


You should see my list of things I was going to do this Lent, that I made on Ash Wednesday. I was going to be more Catholic than the Pope. And it started off okay. But then...slowly...it tapered...off...

My bed--which is sinfully comfortable--held me like a prisoner when I was supposed to get up for prayer. That whole rosary I was supposed to pray everyday? Like slogging through quicksand. Oh, and fasting from sweets, ice cream? Flocked to it like a crack addict. No alcohol? Ha!